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Each day, I would stare on and on, into the heavens, waiting for that angel to come down. I aggressively, then tenderly, called for her love. Her sweet angel tan body, luscious and curved like a motherly swan rescuing me from my low self-esteem. I, in strange, theatrical madness cursed her for her lack of love profession, for loving my face, my hair, my strong, powerful body, but not that crude disgusting thing lurking in my pants. That silent, grotesque lump of God-given clay yet to be molded, for all hope, to die in the dust with the humming of the cortex, those strange fibers of consciousness wrestling angsty teenage love, my sweet Kimberly… she’d dated someone I’d thought my friend. Society’s law kept me from killing him. I would wake up in the night and punch the floor in anguish, homoerotic fear and shame… I killed him a thousand times over in my mind…. His form extinguished by the hood of my car raging into him outside of his jock club, the mma fighting club where I’d first. Friday night I was expecting Viv to be heading off to her mums place. WhenI walked in it was obvious she wasn't going anywhere. When I questionedher she told me her mum had improved enough to go and stay with one of herfriends because she was sick of being stuck at home.As we both cooked dinner Viv asked if we could play dress up. I shook myhead. "No I don't think so I think we need to give that away for a while."She got angry. "So what you are only going to dress up when I am away?Come on Nath that's not fair. I enjoy it as well."I stubbornly refused and she got angry. It turned into a cool evening.Saturday Viv didn't so much ask, as demanded that we play dress up. Shewasn't going to be denied and in the end I thought I could just give herwhat she wanted it might go easier. Viv took ages fixing my makeup and shemade an amazing job of it when I looked in the mirror I was as amazed asusual by this sexy bird staring back at me. She used a blonde wig, silverand blue eye shadow with.
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